From Single to Military Spouse and a New Way of Life
While title for this part of the project has been adjusted somewhat, the focus remains the same. Other subtitles I’ve considered:
- “If Only I Had Known…”
- “Things I WISH Were in All of the Books I Purchased 20 Years Ago”
- “Girlfriends’ Guide to Being an Army Wife” (My apologies to the male spouses…)
Whether a new Army spouse or a one with many years of experience under your belt, you probably have something to share with other spouses. Below are some ideas to help YOU think about what you would like to share.
Remember, don’t worry about the form of your writing, just sit down and type it all out. All essays that are accepted will be edited (with submitters’ approval) before publication.
What are some good ideas? I am brainstorming now. Hmmmm….
- Take time for yourself, take care of yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually)
- Living the gypsy life, never forget your roots
- Transitioning from Army “brat” to Army spouse
- Transitioning from Singleville to “Married to the Military”
- In the Army, and married to someone in the Army
- Family Traditions
- Customs and courtesies: what’s really important
- Prepare for military moves
- Raising children in an Army household
- Living on post or off
- Handling the bumps in life with grace
- Living independently when your other half is away (deployed, training, TDY, etc)
- Having a career when you are constantly moving
- Finishing/continuing your education after marriage
- Money (that’s a whole can of worms there)
- Working at home
- Getting out and meeting other spouses
- Getting involved with the military unit, FRG
- Why you have chosen to be involved, or not involved in the military unit/post/etc
- Handling conflict
- Keeping in touch with dear friends
- Trusting others (or NOT trusting others)
- Keep a lid on the Gossip Monster
- Do not cast your pearls before the swine (interpret your own way)
- Have a life of your own, don’t live through your spouse
- Don’t give up on your dreams/goals, even though you are constantly moving
- Ideas for entertaining
- Watch what you say/email/post on blog/post on Facebook…
- Keep your house in order, records, documents, boxes of “stuff”
- Work well with others
- Working for free (aka-volunteering)
- Dealing with challenges, disabilities
- Coping with stress
- Remember the Army is small, always a good chance you’ll bump into someone again
- Full time spouse, still volunteering, how to balance
- Coffee groups vs. FRGs, purposes of each, differences
- Keeping priorities straight
- Keep yourself open to others
- Pride in your spouse, his/her career
- My spouse wears the rank, but I don’t (or maybe you are active duty, too)
- Chain of Concern vs. Chain of Command: respect the chain
- Why the young spouses should be more involved in activities (coffees, FRG, etc)
- Learning to be patient (waiting on orders, reunion, you name it)
- Decorating your house (or all 14 places you’ve lived), transient decorating
- Expectations: realistic and unrealistic
- Spouse Clubs
- Travel when you get the chance
- Life is what you make it, no matter where you are
- Drop the judgmental attitude, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.”
- When I realized I DIDN’T know everything ;)
- How to adjust to a new place, “reinventing yourself” at times
- Be flexible, go with the flow, hurry up and wait
- Be thankful, write those thank you notes and send them
- Reaching out to others
- Crisis and caring
- Being “Army Strong”
- Why it’s not a bad idea to put on nice clothes when sometimes you’d rather stay in sweats
- Looking good not only for your spouse (“representing”), but for YOURSELF
- How to live through the down times, because they will happen
- Reach for support when you need it, you are not alone
- · Household decorating: portable, on a budgetKeeping family traditions
Maintaining your sanity, health and/or faith
What hurdles have overcome while “married to the military”?
What advice would you give a new spouse?????
Family Readiness and Where You Fit In
Once again, the ideas below are from my own brainstorming. You can use one of the ideas below, or write an essay about something different. Everyone has their own unique experiences, which is what makes this such a fun project!
Remember, just WRITE. Maybe you could carry a little notebook to record ideas when you get them. Then later you could set yourself up in a quiet spot at home, or maybe take your laptop to the coffee shop, and just type away. You might want to start with pen and paper, as if you were writing a letter to a friend, sharing what you’ve learned. ;)
Essay ideas:
- Acclimating to the new unit, getting to know the folks already there
- Volunteering, stepping into leadership position
- Making changes when needed
- Expectations of others vs. reality
- Leadership puts you in the spotlight, how to cope
- Why I did (or did not) participate with the unit FRG
- Volunteering vs. volun-told
- Participating as company FRG Advisor vs. FRG Leader
- If not FRG Leader, did you support the FRG Leader and group, how
- Building the FRG from scratch, stepping into a functioning/non-functioning group
- Following through with “Commander’s intent” vs. private feelings w/in the group
- Working with the FRSA and Rear Detachment: what worked and what needed improvement
- Recruiting and motivating volunteers
- Fundraising within the Company FRG
- Meetings with or without children, childcare
- Did your FRG include parents, girlfriends, single soldiers
- Chain of command vs. chain of concern
- Army/FRG/ACS training classes
- Squashing the Gossip Monster
- Showing appreciation for support, volunteers
- Not wearing your Soldier’s rank around other spouses
- Active duty spouse, married to a soldier
- Prior service spouse
- Soldier’s increased time on job = less time at home
- Dealing with FRG w/in the company, battalion and brigade structures (steering committees)
- Living independently while Soldier attends to business
- Supporting your children when your Soldier is busy/away
- Full time working while maybe volunteering, raising kids, balancing act
- Creative FRG meeting ideas
- Handling conflict within a group
- Communicating with families via phone, email, vFRG, Facebook, newsletters
- Getting ready for deployment, cycles of deployment
- Crisis and caring, support during the tough times, individually or within the unit
- Notifications, care teams, volunteer support, family privacy, official information vs. rumors
- Taking care of yourself
- Communication, open with others yet still private
- Supporting families who need help
Coffees, Socials and Team Building
It's mind boggling to think about how many people we've met in our military lives! Very often I have the feeling, "Do I know that person from somewhere?" Our lives are always changing; we are constantly adjusting to new homes, new jobs, and new faces of new people. How do we get to know those around us, and build the bonds that keep us strong?
While I am older now, more often tired and sometimes cranky about "mandatory FUNctions," I have to admit that I've actually had fun at most of them! If I hadn't been a part of an FRG or coffee group, participated in a spouse club or reached out to other neighbors, I would have missed the opportunity to meet some amazing spouses.
I believe in "Parties with a Purpose". While making individual connections with others, we build the unit team as a whole.
What are some of the functions in which you have planned and/or participated? What did you learn? What challenges have you faced? What changes have you seen over the past 5/10/20 years? Why do we participate in these social activities?
Use the list below as a starting point when considering a writing topic, something to share:
- Welcomes and farewells in the company/battalion
- Socializing w/in the unit, private dinners, parties
- Networking with other spouses, support system
- Change of command ceremonies, receptions
- Parties with a purpose: fun themes and ideas
- Creative coffee group meetings, hosting a coffee
- Participating in the Spouse Club
- Volunteer appreciation ceremonies, dinners
- Customs, courtesies and protocol: why they are important
- Pride in our unique military traditions
- Parades, reviews, military ceremonies, formal balls
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